Forever Missing Him
by beauty- in the- waiting
Summary: Octavia dies and Bellamy falls apart. He pushes everyone, including Clarke, away, and decides that the only way that he can go on is if he leaves camp forever. Clarke makes a confession, hoping that it will give him a reason to stay.


_Octavia dies and Bellamy falls apart. He pushes everyone, including Clarke, away, and decides that the only way that he can go on is if he leaves camp forever. Clarke makes a confession, hoping that it will give him a reason to stay._

* * *

><p>"Don't do this Bellamy. <em>Please<em>" Clarke begged.

She tried to grab the backpack; her fingers meeting with thin air instead. Bellamy had swung it over his shoulder and was moving at lightning speed towards the gate's entrance.

She knew that he wasn't thinking straight, that his grief was making him act this way. But she couldn't help but feel angry at him for pushing her and everyone else who wanted to help away.

"STOP, Bellamy! Your not thinking straight!" she yelled, pulling at his arm so forcefully that he nearly knocked right back into her. Their eyes met, and she gasped at what she saw. He was so _empty_, so void of any emotion. So lifeless. So broken. His brown eyes, so cold and yet so full of pain, had shown her what words never could.

His angry glare travelled from her eyes to her hand, which was tightly holding his arm. She wasn't going to lie anymore; the way he looked at her, like she was a disease, like she no longer meant anything to him, was _killing_ her inside. But she had to try and get through to him. Under all of Bellamy's hostile facade, she knew that there was the good, kind and fair leader that had saved them all. The man who was gentle, and affectionate. Maybe, if he just knew that he didn't have to go through this alone, then he would stay.

"No, _Princess_. Thats where your wrong" He sneered. He took a step forward, so that he was towering over her. "All I've ever wanted was to leave. The only reason I had ever stayed" his voice dropped to a whisper "Was for Octavia. And now she's dead. There isn't anything left here for me anymore".

He began walking away as Clarke fumbled with what she should say. _How could she convince him?_ She would just have to tell him the truth. She swallowed thickly.

"Bellamy" she spoke to his back, "I can see that there is nothing that will change your mind. So go. Leave Camp. All I'm asking is that I go with you".

After what seemed like years, Bellamy finally spun around to face her, and Clarke's hope grew slightly. He was still sneering at her with unmasked disgust, which did hurt, but his eyes revealed fear, and vulnerability, which was a sign. She _was_ getting through to him.

"I appreciate your concern" his blunt response was laced with sarcasm. Clarke crossed her arms. Now she was defiantly angry.

"You don't, and you and I both know it" she took another step forward. "You are only going to make losing Octavia even harder if you keep pushing every single person that cares away" Bellamy took a step back. She took one forward. "And believe it or not, I _want_ to be there for you. Just let me be there for you Bellamy" her voice quivered. She felt so, so scared. He could reject her, and then she would break. She didn't like admitting it, but he had the power to make her or break her. It was terrifying.

"We already discussed this, you and Spacewalker made it very clear" he sounded tired, "You aren't my girlfriend, Clarke".

Clarke took the last step, so that they were chest to chest, and reached out slowly, as if he were a wild animal. When he didn't lean back or shove her away, she slowly took his hand, letting her small fingers curl around his large tanned ones. Her gaze travelled to his.

"I want you to know that you aren't alone. We are the leaders of this camp. A team. We work together. And I think that you need me, just as much as I said that I needed you" She may have imagined it, but Bellamy's hand may have just squeezed hers lightly. She shivered.

"I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, then I'm here. I will stand by you through _anything_" she told him honestly. Bellamy's eyes fluttered, his jaw tightening. The atmosphere felt electric; pulsating with too many emotions. Her head spun as she waited for Bellamy to respond.

"Why would you do that?" he accused bitterly.

She knew why. Oh, she had known for so long. She knew then that this was the right time, the defining moment that would change everything between her and Bellamy forever. She cleared her throat and tilted her head slightly.

"Because I Love you" She whispered.

Bellamy's jaw slackened, his eyes glistening with a deep emotion as they bored into her own. For a few seconds, she saw those walls that he had built so high, come crashing down. She could hear her own heart beating wildly, so loudly that she was surprised that he couldn't hear it. For a moment, it had seemed like Bellamy would finally let her in, that he would wrap her into his own arms and apologise for the way that he had pushed her away, and that she could hold him too, and show him that it was okay to grieve. She gazed up at him hopefully.

But then Bellamy dropped her hand, and his eyes changed. Her heart fell as she watched his eyes harden, containing his true soul behind those damned walls. How could he do that, when only moments before she had sent them crashing down? She knew that he cared. She knew it. But nothing could ever prepare her for what he was about to say next.

"I. Don't. Care" Bellamy spat out. He stared at her a moment longer before turning away. And this time she didn't stop him. He walked out of the gate, his backpack slung onto his back. With every step that he took, she felt her heart sink even further, if that was even possible. He was gone.

And Clarke didn't think that he was ever going to come back.

Her throat tightened, and she couldn't stop the sobs that shook her body, or the tears that spilled down her cheeks onto the forest floor. Her legs shook and she let them give way, her whole body collapsing onto the ground. She cried and choked and sobbed for what seemed like forever, over her rejected confession, over Bellamy, who had lost his own way. And over Octavia, who hadn't deserved the painful death that she had received. Clarke had promised in her last moments to keep her brother safe.

And she had failed.


End file.
